I’ve been losing sleep. And though I haven’t had a panic attack in a couple years, I wouldn’t be surprised if one snuck up on me over the next month.

On top of dealing with finishing a thesis that just doesn’t seem to want to come out of my head and a magazine layout project that’s completely stumping me, I’m also looking for a full-time job in this here thing we call the publishing industry. And I’ve almost had it with the lot of them.

I’m sorry, publishing powers-that-be, that I can’t afford to work for free over and over again, because I’m a grown ass woman with bills to pay and my parents aren’t rich enough to support my living as well as their own. And I’m sorry that I can’t name drop and glad-hand the right people to even get an interview. Silly me, thinking my job experience, positive references, and Master’s degree in the field would be enough. I guess it doesn’t matter that I will work my ass off to prove myself and get the job done.

Let’s not get me started on the recycling of people already working for you. I recently interviewed for a marketing assistant position – phone interview, then in-person interview. They called my references. I even met the director. Why put me through all of that if you were just going to hire someone internally in the end?! What is it with not wanting to nurture and mentor new talent? Dear Hiring Managers, just in case you didn’t know, most of us trying to break into the industry can, in fact, be taught. Some of us are even fast learners. We outsiders are desperate to get in the doors. We’re reading and gobbling up all the information we can about your business and your books. It might be that we already know more than you think. I guess fresh voices and new insight doesn’t count for much. Who was it that said the definition of insanity is doing the same things over and over again expecting different results?

Am I the insane one?

What I am is an angry, frustrated woman –ย  maybe even a little bitter. But, I’m facing the very real possibility that all the work I’ve put in over the past two years will be for nothing, and I’ll have to pack up and leave after graduation. Maybe this post will only make it worse. Maybe I just don’t give a crap anymore.

Until next time…